Each morning (ok, let’s be honest…maybe a few times a week), I read through a list of affirmations. This is just a fancy word for phrases that I want to be true about myself and my surroundings.
This morning one of them hit me with a ton of emotional bricks–
I go to bed feeling like if this was my last day I am happy and proud of the life I lived.
One year ago this was not my reality. About that time, a very young work acquaintance of mine David Forster passed away and it shook me to the core. He was 27 and out for a run and in a blink his life was over. Everyone (myself included) had such positive things to say about this man–his kindness, his energy, his attitude, his ambitions. He was just an amazing spirit to be around.
But you know who wasn’t an amazing spirit at that time? Me. I was depressed. I was feeling lost. But worst of all, I looked in the mirror and hated the selfish person I had become. Everything was about me, myself and money. I had strayed far from parts of me, from my true values and dreams…and David was sadly the first of 5 deaths in 5 months that woke me up to the deep shame I had. I was only a shell of the person I wanted to be.
So I made a choice to get better. I had never addressed the blow to my self-confidence after getting laid off a little over a year earlier and going back to that same company so fast. Showing up so fully at the same company that had essentially said “Hey, you’re uninvited to our party. Get out!” was killing me from the inside out. I felt I had to prove my worthiness to walk through their doors every day. I finally confided this to some of my closest friends at work and to my boss and got into counseling. Despite their efforts and my own I knew it wasn’t enough.
So I made bigger changes on a road to my best life. 2 months later (August) I put in my notice at my job after my counselor repeated back to me how I felt going into work each day and said very clearly that after 2 months of talking she knew nothing would feel different until I left that company. And 2 months after that (October) I was TOTALLY FREE to start creating a life where I could go to bed fully embracing the possibility of it being my last day because I was happy & proud of what I was creating in the world.
Now a year later I can look at that same affirmation each morning and smile because I am THERE. Fully and completely there. As my head hits the pillow each night I know that I am leaving no regrets out there. It could be my last breath and I would be fully satisfied–happy and proud of the life I led.
I so wish for everyone to experience this kind of peace and freedom–a sense of calm contentment knowing you’re living YOUR best life. Not some dramatic sky-diving, bull-riding (sorry Tim McGraw) money or power-mongering carbon copy that society, your boss or other people have told you to strive for. So think about it:
If today was your last day are you proud & happy of the life you lived?
I’d love to hear your honest reactions (good or bad!) below or email me privately at firstname.lastname@example.org.
If you’re already there then HELL YES! Celebrate that feeling below and share letting others know what that looks like for you!
If you’re having heart palpitations realizing the answer is HELL NO! just know that I can so. freaking. totally. relate. And I am here for you! This is one of my favorite topics to coach people on. I want you to know that there is hope–and you don’t have to be dramatic like me and quit your job to do it. It can be a series of baby steps. Of conscious choices and work to get in touch with your values, your vision, your needs, the people you already have or want in your life and slaying those nagging fears that tell you you can’t have those things.
BECAUSE YOU TOTALLY CAN! And it would be a true honor to hold space for you and guide you as your coach on that journey.
Now I’m off for a walk with these two hooligans pictured below. Then I’ll prep for some new client meetings, do some laundry and finish getting the bedroom ready for our first foster care placement. Finally, I’ll pack up for the 4th with my family out near the beautiful place in the picture! Pretty normal day, but epically satisfying. Why? Because it’s so darned in line with my values & vision that it’s easy to be ok with it potentially being my last…what about you?